The lockdown is a great period in my life. It gives me a culmination point in my crusade against inauthenticity, in myself and others.
It started in kindergarten. After two days I had seen it and, albeit with doubts, I walked out of the authoritarian school system. She was a nice teacher and tried well, but for my journey through life and the world she was an obstacle. I felt that, against my tendency to adapt, after the first day already: "I’ve gotta to get out of here."
And that's how it has been over and over again. In authoritarian schools where, I also saw that, some children thrived in, but others were conforming out of fear.
I knew the qualities and concerns of entrepreneurs, but I turned away from the ruthlessness in their chasing after more and more profit.
I fought for equality, but just as much resisted conditional sales of lies in left-wing circles and the women's movement. Because Hillary Clinton supported women’s emancipation, I didn’t ignore her ruthless ways of money making. Oh, oh, how dare I? I was rightwing or mysogynistic. Well, get lost with false talk. What kind of equality sits in deception?
In the academic world, I delightedly swam in clear thinking, but I continued to insist on the limitations of science and the underestimated powers of the unconscious and spirituality. I raised disapproval and resistance. Nowadays there are meditation rooms in university buildings and you can hear animated talk about yoga or mindfulness courses.
For a long time I've been distancing myself from spiritual bypassers, since I started to discover where my own megalomania, paranoia and hallucinations came from. From where? What do you think, they are unconsciously surviving trauma from early childhood.
Are there really no secret operations, open lobbies and ongoing environmental damage? Of course, there are.
But learn to distinguish between your fantasy and your realism. You do that by looking not only outward but also inward. Are you anxious or furious when you're smelling a conspiracy or damage to environment commons? Then don't trust your supposed intuition or messages “from above.”
Or are you broad-mindedly interested, balanced and loving? Then you have a better chance of judging reality wisely. I've explained that a lot lately.
If you don't deliberately strive to clean up yourself, you are far from the much-praised spiritual awareness raising. If you avoid self-checking practice, you're a bypasser I don't want to be infected by.
The lockdown gives me an extra chance to further separate chaff from wheat in my social environment. Spiritual, scientific and political evasions I put in boxes of unfollow, unfriend or block, depending on the risk of contamination.
I have had more empathy and patience than was good for my system, both professionally and privately. It is time for more self-protection and self-purification. A purified energy is better for me, others and the physical environment.
I'm starting to live the way I walked out of school and watched the toiling, self-corrupting children in class rooms. Sure, I felt liberated but also lonely. Now I'm free and in contact with the wheat in myself and others.
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